Through a camera installed on the ceiling Menno Aden abstracts most familiar actual living environments and indoor public spaces into flattened two-dimensional scale models. These birds-eye-view photographs capture a unique perspective on rooms, compared to the perfectly neat and tidy interior photos we are so used to seeing.
getting a new perspective on everyday, general, mundane things.
As a perpetual pony-tailer, I love this tutorial for it’s new twist on the old favourite! And it’s so simple to do too, I swear - you could probably do it right now if you have long hair and a ponytail holder!
Today as I was walking through my neighborhood in Cobble Hill I over heard a woman on her cell phone. She looked to be about in her mid to early-twenties, a beautiful brunette, who was lamenting the fact that she had not heard back from the man she went on a date with a few nights prior, a date that she thought had gone well. As she was walking right on front of me, I gathered that the friend she was pouring her heart too was giving her some terrible advice. “Maybe he just needs a little space, he will call soon.” I surmised this as I heard her say back “So you think he just needs a little space? Should I call him first just to let him know I am interested?”
I wanted to yell, “No!” But of course, that would have been rude.
But it did spin me back into thinking of the days when I was professionally single. Professional? OK, let me restate that, as that gives a ‘hooker’ like association. Which of course, I was not. I was just very single here in New York, and dating, a lot. There were many things that I learned, and many things I wish I could have told myself in my twenties. Here is some advice I would given and question I would have asked myself regarding dating.
Are you looking for love or a distraction?
You should probably ask yourself that or rather “why don’t I want to be single?” I wish I had. I realize that I wasn’t happy on my career path, or really, ‘what career’? I didn’t want to think about what direction my life was heading, so instead, I concentrated on trying to find a boyfriend. I made that a large part of my focus. Is that pathetic? No. (And it’s what makes up the content for shows like Sex and the City or Girls) But, is it a way to find a healthy relationship? Probably not. Not everyone has it figured out in their twenties (or even thirties and forties), but you should ask yourself why you are spending so much time looking for love.
Don’t lie to yourself. And don’t lie to him.
Please don’t pretend to be ‘the cool’ girl that is totally OK with a one-night stand when you are not, and then feel utterly dejected when the guy you had the one night stand with you doesn’t call you back. He is not a jerk for giving you what you said you wanted. Also, when a guy asks you on a date, “What are you looking for?” In regards to your love life, tell him the truth. Don’t be afraid to tell him, “I am looking for a relationship.” Make sure you make him realize that just because you are looking for a relationship, doesn’t mean you are necessarily looking for a relationship with him. If the guy is not smart enough to surmise that and goes ‘Hey now! Wait a minute and slow down!” Pick up your purse; pull out your phone, immediately erase his number and leave the restaurant, apartment, or movie you are at with him. Don’t waste your time.
Don’t waste your time; if he does not want to go on dates, he will not be your mate.
Sorry for the terrible rhyme, but I cannot stress this enough, so I am going to yell it as if standing on the cliffs of the Grand Canyon, “DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.” If you are looking for a relationship, and the guy you have set your eyes on doesn’t return your calls in a timely manner (e.g. within the week if you are just starting to date, within a day if it’s gotten serious, etc), doesn’t make an effort to make your dinner, take you out to dinner, to a movie, to meet his friends, or to meet your friends, or to make you feel special. Pick up your purse, erase his phone number, and walk out of the door. “DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.” Seriously, he is not going to change. Men don’t change, they don’t. (OK, I feel you are not hearing me). Men, don’t change. I have been dating my fiancé for almost three years, and he still throws his socks all over the floor, and not into the lovely hamper I bought. So what? That’s small, but do you think a man is really going to change a bigger thing like committing out of the blue? Nope.
Love is blind, but that doesn’t me you have to be.
I have a new friend. She is so intelligent and very beautiful. Her boyfriend is totally cheating on her. How do I know this? Because I saw him doing it. Horrible, right? I should tell her right? I have tried too. But worse, she is not seeing ALL of the signs that yell, “YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU.” He doesn’t let her be his friend on Facebook, he doesn’t allow her to visit him at work (he works at a Nightclub by the way, so add insult to injury on that one- drunk chicks everywhere) and even though they have been dating for three years and stays at her place almost every night, he refuses to move in with her. You would think she would get the hint. Right? Well, how many women do you know try and justify their incredibly dysfunctional relationship? You don’t know any? Beware, it might be you. You may not have the transparent relationship that I do (my fiancé and I know passwords to each others email, there are no passwords on our phones, etc) but there should be some transparency in you relationship. If you are worried he is hiding something, he might be. Don’t be paranoid. Ask him. If he weaving and dodging like Muhammad Ali, pick up your purse….you know the rest. Don’t waste your time.
It’s OK to end an OK relationship.
I have seen friends sit in relationships that were about as colorful as ecru paint. I know, I was one of them. I’ve had two other long-term relationships, one in college and one right before I moved to New York. Both of these guys were nice guys. They treated me well, and we had some good laughs, but there was no spark. Don’t get me wrong, all relationships, even when they start with fireworks, spark a whole lot less where you are talking about paying bills, why he wants to watch Sportcenter when would really like to watch Hardball, and he won’t put his socks in the hamper (OK maybe that is more annoying then I think? I’ll get over it). But I still want to kiss my fiancé sweet face every single day, and he makes me feel happy the majority of the time, and we can see carving out a similar future together. I never saw that with my other two long-term relationships. If you are scared to end it because you feel you may not find anyone else, you are right, it’s scary to go back out there, but you are doing a disservice to you and your mate if you are only staying because you are scared of being single. Life is short, but it can feel a hell of a lot longer with the wrong partner.
Now that I am engaged everything is perfect.
Giggle. Oh my, no. I think women have still been telling themselves this fairy tell lie for too long, ‘Once I fall in love, my life will be perfect.’ It’s the same lie we tell ourselves about our weight ‘If I could just lose those last ten pounds, my life will be perfect!’ We know that is not true for the latter and it’s definitely not true for the former. I am very happy to have found partner that I am proud of, that respects monogamy, that we both value physical and mental health and make those our priorities, that we love literature and art, and have a lot of common interests, but that doesn’t mean we don’t argue, or get annoyed with one another. Do yourself a favor, like yourself, right now. Even if you have extra weight, or don’t have the man you are going to marry in your life yet. There is extraordinary beauty in just being OK with you.